Christmas Rap

By Laurence W. Thomas

Now listen, friends, to what I say;

there ain’t no Santa Claus, no way.

I used to wait till I was faint

on Christmas Eve for that fake saint

to bring me stuff I really wanted

hoping that my wish be granted.

Jingle, jingle, out on the roof top

sit by the fireplace waiting for the drop.

I’d fall asleep before he arrived

and when I awoke - - I’d feel deprived.

Sure, there were lots of presents there

but who wants sweaters and underwear

instead of the bike that was on my list

or a pair of roller blades? Boy, was I pissed!

Jingle, jangle, bells of the Yule,

Santa Claus must be some fool!

Now I avoid the Christmas fuss

stalking department stores and Toys R Us

finding all sorts of Santa Clauses

ringing their bells for worthy causes

which, I’ve learned, though it may be shocking,

won’t end up in my Christmas stocking.

Jangle, jangle, Santa in my yard;

give me an unlimited credit card!