Chapter 2
Excerpts from…
A BARROOM VIEW OF LOVE
by
Susan Scott Morales
All work copyrighted.
No reproduction of any postings on this website without written permission of the author.
CHAPTER TWO
For the next three days, my body ached and my temperature spiked to 103 degrees. Days and evenings merged seamlessly as I slept most of the time. Sometimes sleep was light, disturbed by a door closing in the hallway. The hours and days would have passed monotonously if it weren’t for the nightmares that assaulted me as I dove in and out of sleep. Not like the anxiety dreams about screwing up a lecture that would linger after awakening. Instead, these ranged from science fiction to psychedelic whimsy to crime fiction. Sometimes I was the victim, sometimes the perpetrator, and more often an innocent bystander. Only in retrospect did I realize a common theme: I never had an ally. There was no one I could trust. My mother was conspicuously absent. I was alone.
At regular intervals throughout the first day, Julia offered me water, clear broth, damp washcloths, and Tylenol. “Julia, you’re being so wonderful. But I think I need to see a doctor.” I pulled back the sheet and turned to get out of bed. “Can you help me get to the bathroom?”
“I’ll see if there’s a physician on staff.”
The following day Julia brought a middle-aged woman into the room. She was dressed in a peachy-orange tunic with matching pants. It looked like Indian garb, but not as formal as the sari Julia had been wearing. “There isn’t a doctor on staff but Bindu is a healer.”
“What kind? She’s not going to poke me with anything . . .” I moaned and turned on my side, facing my mother.
“No, she won’t even touch you,” Julia said. “But it’s best if you lie on your back.”
I didn’t argue or question how Julia would know. I lay back again, and through my foggy brain tried to assess the stranger approaching. The woman’s face was smooth, her skin clear. I had the impression she had regular facials. She smelled like lavender.
The healer, explaining she was a Reiki master from a Japanese tradition of healers, made circular motions with her hands, starting at my head and working down to my hips. I kept my eyes open and followed every move she made. Although I didn’t feel anything, I began to trust that she really wouldn’t touch me. The next day she visited again. I let my eyelids drop and within moments felt myself floating in blue light. I assumed it was a dream state. The blue light was soft at first, like the pale sky at dawn. It then darkened until it appeared like twilight, a nearly black sky. Lights appeared and twinkled like stars. A part of me tried to enjoy it but I hated not being able to figure out how they got there. Then it struck me. Fever induced.
When I awoke the next morning, Julia was already awake. I said, “My body doesn’t hurt.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so glad. I heard Bindu’s work is very powerful.”
“I heard three days in bed will cure anything. But, thanks for bringing her. It was actually pleasant.”
I sneezed. And sneezed again. I had been so relieved that my body no longer ached and that my throat was free of pain that I hadn’t realized my head was stuffed up. But that was a relief, in a way. A cold I could manage. Julia hugged me and left to get breakfast promising to bring me back a tonic to help with the congestion. I took a hot shower, letting the water pelt my forehead and sinuses, letting the white noise enter my brain like fresh waves of soothing music.
I washed my hair, taking extra time to massage my scalp. When I finished toweling off, I dressed in my most comfortable drawstring pants and a T-shirt and rummaged through my purse for my cell phone. Blowing my nose for the second time since I’d showered, I speed-dialed Whitney, in New York. There was no tone; “No Service” blinked on the display.
“Damn.” I needed contact with the outside world, needed to take care of some things at work.
Just then Julia entered. “You’re up.” She was wearing yoga clothing and carrying a large takeout cup. “Here, I brought you something that’ll clear your sinuses.” She took off the lid and handed it to me. “It’s a cold remedy, hot lemon-ginger tea with cayenne pepper.”
Even through clogged nostrils, I could smell the pungent hot liquid. “Whoa! Are you supposed to just smell it?”
Julia smiled and sat down next to me on the bed. “How’re you doing?”
“Better. I think.” I took a swig of the drink, which tasted like a watery version of Korean salad dressing, then scooted back to lean against the wall. “The shower felt great. But just putting on clothes has me wasted.”
“I never would have asked you to come if I’d known this would happen. Do you realize that today is your birthday?”
“No shit. Sorry, Julia, I know you hate swearing. So, today’s the twentieth? I lost track.”
“Well, believe it or not, your father didn’t.” Julia got up and crossed the narrow room to the closet. “I called him to let him know you’d be here.” She cleared her throat. “So he sent me something to give you.” She handed me a shoebox-sized present wrapped in glossy chartreuse paper, with a pale blue ribbon.
“And you wrapped it, didn’t you?” I set the gift on my lap. “Did he also tell you what to buy, or did you have to figure that out, too?”
“Cut it out. This is my day, too. Just open it, and be happy.” Julia sat down and leaned forward.
“Hand me the tissues.” I pointed to where she’d left the box on the floor, then removed the ribbon from the package and tossed it onto Julia’s head.
“Gee, thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” I ripped off the paper, balled it up, and threw it into the wastebasket. I opened the box and pulled out a pair of black yoga pants with a jacket to match and a yoga belt. “Nice. These are from Dad?” I shook my head, looking at Julia.
“Okay, I gave him the suggestion. But there’s something else.”
I lifted the tissue paper under the garments and found a long jewelry box. “What the hell? Sorry.” Inside was a tennis bracelet, gold links studded with diamonds. I gazed at the gift that lay across my palm but didn’t try it on. “What’s going on? This isn’t a big occasion. I’m twenty-nine, not thirty. Did he think I was turning thirty? I haven’t talked to him in six months. I don’t get it.”
Julia shrugged her shoulders and raised her eyebrows.
“Really, Julia. Something must be up.”
“You are so suspicious. Here, there’s a card.”
Ignoring the front of the card, I opened it and read: “Hello, darling. Sharon and I just got back from S. Africa. I saw this and thought of you. It was such a bargain I couldn’t pass it up.”
“Humph.” I put the bracelet back in the box. “I wish I could like it. It is pretty. But it doesn’t feel right.”
“I know. It’s his guilt. But maybe someday you can forgive him.” She swept a drop of sweat off my forehead. “I have.”
“Humph. I didn’t even know he went to Africa.” I blew my nose, kissed my mother, nudged her playfully and asked, “Where’s yours?”
“Oh, that’s coming later.” Julia smiled.
Something about that smile made me suspicious.
***
Just a page or two of The Known World put me to sleep more than once that day. Julia, dispensing the cold remedy and, at noon, a small veggie pita, interrupted the naps. I devoured the sandwich, the first solid food I’d had in days. For a few moments, I thought I might be able to venture out to make a phone call to Whitney, but Julia almost pinned me down, insisting that I rest. She wanted us to have tea together later; I could make the call then.
It was mid-afternoon when Julia came back and woke me.
I opened my eyes, grabbed the tissue next to my head, and blew. “Okay, let’s get out of here.”
I felt a little dizzy as I raised my head, but didn’t let on to Julia. “I’m going to splash some water on my face. Do I need a jacket? Should I change shirts?”
When I returned from the bathroom, Julia was holding out a white linen blouse she’d found in my closet. “I ironed this for you earlier.”
I smiled with pressed lips as I changed. “Didn’t want to be seen with someone wearing ‘Pearl Jam’ on her chest, eh?”
Our first stop was a row of telephone booths. I looked at the pay phones, and my face lit up. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d used one. “I don’t think are any of these are left in Ann Arbor.”
Julia waved from outside the booth. “Take your time.”
I breathed as deeply as I could, given my congested chest, and realized that I suddenly felt safe, at home in the comfort of a telephone booth. I picked up the receiver and punched in Whitney’s office number.
“Whitney?”
Her voice came in clearly. “Where are you? You sound awful.”
“I’m so happy to talk to you…been really sick…in bed four days now . . . my birthday, no less…”
Whitney slipped in, “Hey, Happy B-day. So sorry you’re not feeling well.”
“My mom’s waiting for me, but I just wanted to connect to see what you scheduled.”
“Monday, one p.m., Beacon. The warden is setting up a room for us. I told him we didn’t need video set-up. That’s right, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“Here, let me give you directions.”
I jotted them down and wanted to linger but Whitney had something pressing. After I hung up, I couldn’t let go of the phone. I glanced over at Julia, who was talking to a young woman. I examined the inside of the booth. No graffiti, nothing to distinguish it except the area code, 570. I was still in northeastern Pennsylvania. I ran my palm over the receiver, caressing it. Wasn’t there someone else I needed to call? I replaced the phone in its holder and reluctantly pulled open the door and stepped out.
My nose was bright red, my head groggy, but I felt cheerful for the first time since I’d arrived. Monday 1pm. Work. Yeah! “Ready, Julia?”
“Honey, this is Bhakti from Ann Arbor. She goes to a Vidya Shakti Center there.”
“Nice to meet you.” I tried not to be obvious, as I looked the woman up and down. “Are you a student at the U?”
“No, I just graduated with my teaching certificate. Your mom says you teach there. I’m sorry I never had a class with you.”
“Me, too.” I wondered what else I could say. In one moment my mood had turned sour again. What was this intelligent girl doing here?
Julia pointed to a ramp leading to the next level. “Come on. Let’s have some chai.”
“Sounds good. I don’t feel like having coffee.”
We got our tea in the little cafeteria and then, on Julia’s suggestion, headed for the courtyard. As we passed through the sliding-glass doors, I heard a loud “Surprise!”
The courtyard was decorated with bright blue balloons, and a small group of people surrounded a table with a large sheet cake. I peered at the smiling faces, only recognizing the healer, then turned to Julia with one eyebrow raised.
My mother whispered, “No, you don’t know anyone, but they wanted to do something nice for you.”
As I approached the table, I blew my nose, hoping to create an excuse for not shaking hands. I nodded and smiled as politely as I could. “You really shouldn’t have.”
I sat down in front of the cake and Julia lit the three candles. A round of the birthday song began. As the last note was sung, I relaxed and then nearly jumped out of my seat when the song was immediately followed by a loud chant. I tried to regain my composure, noticed Julia grinning broadly, and repeated, “You really shouldn’t have.”
I tried to enjoy the cake while listening to “Carrots, wheat germ, applesauce instead of oil, etc.” from the rather paunchy baker.. Julia sat down next to me and said, “I know the party was…well…weird, but I thought it would help you feel less isolated. Besides, it wasn’t my idea. Bindu organized it. She said you have great energy.”
“Thanks.” I could hear my old, familiar phrase: “Mom, what am I going to do with you?” I leaned over and kissed Julia on the cheek.
“So, now it’s time for my gift.” Julia paused, letting the suspense build. “We’re going to New York City on Sunday to see a play.”
“Wow. That’s fantastic! What a great idea.” I leaped out of the chair and hugged her. “You don’t know how good that sounds.”
“Let’s go to the room so you can rest.” Julia got up and we started back. As we walked she continued, “I know this week has been terribly hard on you. If you don’t feel like driving…” Julia cleared her throat. “It’s a little over an hour. I can’t drive a manual. We’ll find someone to go with us. In fact, Virgio said he could.”
“I’m sure I’ll be up to it.” I answered quickly.
Julia looked away, but I caught her disappointed expression.
“But look, it’s fine for Virgio to come along, too. Really.”
Julia read my face. “You’re sure? Well, okay.” She avoided my eyes by looking across the courtyard. “Maybe I’ll find you a date.”
“Motherrr!” I stopped, took Julia by the arm, and turned her directly toward me. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Well, it’s not as if you’re doing much for yourself…” Julia quickly pivoted and continued walking.
“What? You’re afraid I’ll be an old maid?”
“No. It’s just…when you were with Marc, you were easier to be around.”
“Uh-huh. The truth comes out. You don’t like your own daughter.” I blew my nose and stuffed the tissue into my pants pocket. The reminder of my ex stung.
Julia waved off my comment. “Well, let’s forget it for now. You need to get back to bed and get over this cold.”
***
On Sunday morning, even with my eyes still closed, I knew I was well enough to go to the City. I coughed lightly, clearing my throat. I felt fine. I surrendered to the warm sunlight streaming into the room and opened my eyes. I stretched my arms overhead and sighed loudly. Yes, I was well enough to plan my exit from the ashram. During the illness, I’d given up the idea of staying on. I’d get the prison interviews done as soon as I could and then be on my way. I had no desire to remain in a place that made me sick, and I hadn’t seen any indication that the Center was the kind of cult that would hold people against their will, keep them away from their families. Of course, I hadn’t seen much, and people did seem overly cheerful, and there were a lot of stringent rules, but no one, not even my mother, had tried to convert me. Besides, Julia seemed content and relaxed, which probably had more to do with Virgio than anything else. I gave up. I was getting out of there.
Read Chapter Three