You’ve read you can increase your brainpower or you want to enhance your sports performance. Perhaps your doctor told you it’s time to learn stress reduction. In yoga class you’ve become aware of the possibility of enlightenment, understanding your true nature or the meaning of your life. Whatever your motivation, bravo! Meditation is an extremely effective change agent because you are looking within yourself.

There are three simple steps to set up a practice: create the appropriate environment, maintain a relaxed and alert posture and have an intention.

Create the environment

We don’t make our minds meditate any more than we can make ourselves sleep. But to achieve the latter usually all it takes is lying down on a comfortable surface and closing our eyes. Sleep happens. Similarly we can condition our minds to slip into meditation by creating a soothing environment with few distractions. For example, you might choose an easy chair in the living room or a large pillow on the floor of the den or bedroom. Low lights, a lighted candle can also enhance the ambiance. Wearing the same clothes, sitting at the same time of the day can help you enter into meditation more easily.

Sit in a Comfortable Posture

You can throw away the picture in your mind of the yogi sitting crossed-legged in a full lotus asana(posture) with hands in shin mudra (thumbs and index fingers touching). Although there are advantages to those positions for meditation, they are not necessary. The two main essentials are being seated upright and being relaxed. Upright so you stay alert and relaxed so that your breath is moving easily. It’s hard to stay relaxed if you’re uncomfortable so use props like pillows and blankets. You can shift your posture during meditation as long as you stay relaxed and upright. Rest your hands on your thighs or fold them in your lap. Again, whatever feels good to you.

Set an Intention

Why are you meditating? You may have an overall intention like stress reduction, but it helps to get specific. For example, to stop worrying about an exam, to relax your shoulders, to focus on the tightness in your chest to discover what’s bugging you. These are not expectations. Instead you are programming your mind to guide you where you want to go. It’s a set up for disappointment if you approach meditation thinking you want to see a full lotus blooming in your head like your friend experienced. Meditation, like dreaming, is highly individual.

With all of these points, be flexible. Make them work for you. If the pillow in the den is too soft, try sitting in a chair. If your legs fall asleep, move or stretch. If you worry that your meditation isn’t “working,” change your intention to: “I will accept whatever happens.” There are no mistakes with meditation. It is you being with yourself.

As seen at AnnArbor.com

5/6/09You’ve read you can increase your brainpower or you want to enhance your sports performance. Perhaps your doctor told you it’s time to learn stress reduction. In yoga class you’ve become aware of the possibility of enlightenment, understanding your true nature or the meaning of your life. Whatever your motivation, bravo! Meditation is an extremely effective change agent because you are looking within yourself.

There are three simple steps to set up a practice: create the appropriate environment, maintain a relaxed and alert posture and have an intention.

Create the environment

We don’t make our minds meditate any more than we can make ourselves sleep. But to achieve the latter usually all it takes is lying down on a comfortable surface and closing our eyes. Sleep happens. Similarly we can condition our minds to slip into meditation by creating a soothing environment with few distractions. For example, you might choose an easy chair in the living room or a large pillow on the floor of the den or bedroom. Low lights, a lighted candle can also enhance the ambiance. Wearing the same clothes, sitting at the same time of the day can help you enter into meditation more easily.

Sit in a Comfortable Posture

You can throw away the picture in your mind of the yogi sitting crossed-legged in a full lotus asana(posture) with hands in shin mudra (thumbs and index fingers touching). Although there are advantages to those positions for meditation, they are not necessary. The two main essentials are being seated upright and being relaxed. Upright so you stay alert and relaxed so that your breath is moving easily. It’s hard to stay relaxed if you’re uncomfortable so use props like pillows and blankets. You can shift your posture during meditation as long as you stay relaxed and upright. Rest your hands on your thighs or fold them in your lap. Again, whatever feels good to you.

Set an Intention

Why are you meditating? You may have an overall intention like stress reduction, but it helps to get specific. For example, to stop worrying about an exam, to relax your shoulders, to focus on the tightness in your chest to discover what’s bugging you. These are not expectations. Instead you are programming your mind to guide you where you want to go. It’s a set up for disappointment if you approach meditation thinking you want to see a full lotus blooming in your head like your friend experienced. Meditation, like dreaming, is highly individual.

With all of these points, be flexible. Make them work for you. If the pillow in the den is too soft, try sitting in a chair. If your legs fall asleep, move or stretch. If you worry that your meditation isn’t “working,” change your intention to: “I will accept whatever happens.” There are no mistakes with meditation. It is you being with yourself.

Practical Meditation:

Techniques to help you sleep

You’ve pulled down the shades and turned off the lights. Your head hits the pillow and you sigh. Minutes pass and you realize you are still awake. Your mind is racing over the details of a meeting you’ve anxious about; or, you’re ruminating over the interaction you had with a friend that left you feeling unsettled. The frontal lobe of our brain is where we think, where our daily activities are planned and sorted out. It’s the part that gets over-stimulated and keeps us awake.

Just before sleep our brains shift into theta wave, the state also created by meditation. This is a slower wavelength than when we’re awake editing, assessing and analyzing non-stop. From the theta wave we easily shift into sleep. And the beauty is our brain does that for us. All we have to do is prepare for sleep, that is, create the environment for it to happen. That’s where meditation comes in handy. Sometimes brushing our teeth and putting on pajamas isn’t enough.

If you are new to meditation the following exercises might take a little practice, although you may find benefits on your first attempt. Practicing the techniques when you’re not sleepy will help increase your awareness of your brain and also the sensations of thinking, making it easier to access when you want to sleep.

• Our brain waves will naturally begin to slow down if we focus on the sensations instead of what is causing the sensations. So, for this first exercise, become aware of the front of your brain. It can help to put your fingers on your forehead. As you focus on the area behind your forehead, notice what it feels like. Is it tight? Do you have a spinning sensation? Is there pressure? Some people experience energy that feels like a Mexican jumping bean. Take a deep breath and stay focused on the feeling you have in that area of your head. Now stay with that feeling. Your mind will want to return to all those entertaining thoughts, (that’s its job), but keep bringing it back to the physical sensations. Stay with this for a minute or so.

Take a deep breath. Notice whether it is deeper than before the exercise. You can’t be tense and breathe deeply at the same time.

• When we focus on the back of the body, we are in the “witness” mode, like seeing ourselves from outside or from a distance. It might be hard to keep reading, because putting attention there actually disengages the frontal lobe of the brain. Now put your focus on the lower back of your brain (the opposite position of the forehead.)

Take a few breaths imagining the breath is gently soothing that section. To enhance this further, imagine a humming sound there.

Now, notice if you are more relaxed. You might sense it mostly in your body. That’s fine. As our body relaxes, our mind relaxes and vice versa.

Repeat the exercises if needed. They don’t have to be done in any order. On any given night, you might find that one works better than the other. Sweet dreams!

As seen at Natural Awakenings

I think of these instances as little reminders to be in the present moment – to shift thoughts from the past or future. Letting go of such thoughts opens up a stream of possibilities. My heart quickens and I sense an excitement as if I’ve just met a new love. Often these moments hold a phrase or image that becomes a poem. Just being aware creates newness, a creative inspiration.

When we meditate, we are not waiting for those random moments; we are creating the environment for them to happen. A very simple method of meditation is to notice what you notice. As you sit in your favorite quiet spot, begin by being aware of your surroundings. Take in the colors and textures, the sounds and smells. A squirrel scratching at the earth to dig up a nut; the dusty odor of the furnace coming on; a soft warmth on your cheek from the sunlight filtering in through the blinds. Whatever you notice, just catalog it in your mind as something interesting. Don’t do anything. In fact resist the temptation to swipe at the cobweb, or adjust the thermostat.

With each new sense that you notice, watch where your thoughts go. Maybe you remember something painful. If so, then notice the pain. Where is it located in your body? What stories does your mind start telling you? Be curious about the pain as if it is the first time you’ve experienced it.

Whether the dusty odor of the furnace makes you want to go down and change the air filter, or makes you associate with a visit at nasty Aunt Beulah’s, the key is to be inquisitive about what you notice and not judgmental. Judgment is what takes us out of the present moment and squelches our relaxation. So, allow the mind to roam freely. Just keep noticing where it goes and what impact it has on your body and your emotional state.

Be a pioneer within yourself. Each thought is new. Each sense experience is new.
Each breath is the same as the infant’s first breath. Enjoy the wonder.

Susan Scott Morales

As seen at Natural Awakenings

by Susan Scott Morales

When my friend’s husband died, although I didn’t know him, I wanted to support her and go to the funeral. I stepped through the massive carved doors at the rear of the church and faced the casket at the end of the aisle. My throat tightened. After dipping my hand in the holy water basin and making the sign of the cross, a gesture I hadn’t performed in many years, I walked forward slowly. As I passed each pew, my jaw, then cheeks, then forehead got tighter.

Luckily I didn’t have to greet anyone I knew. When I finally found a seat, I was so uncomfortable I had to wonder what was going on. It struck me immediately. I hadn’t been to a funeral mass where the casket was visible since my fourteen year old brother’s death.

I shifted back and forth on the hard wood seat and tried to relax the muscles in my face. Nothing worked. In fact, the tension kept increasing, now going down to my diaphragm and stomach. I had no idea what the priest was saying; my body had captured all my attention. Tears started to form and I thought, “Good, that’ll help me feel better.” I withdrew a tissue and dabbed at my eyes. But the backlog of uncried tears erupted and I rushed to the restroom.

I had finally gone into therapy fifteen years after the sudden loss of my brother and it helped me accept his destiny. But apparently my body didn’t know that. By the time I made it to the bathroom I was gagging over the toilet, thinking I would throw up. When people started coming into the restroom at the end of mass, I finally forced myself to leave the church. My torso felt bruised.

The body has miraculous powers to heal itself. When I get a cut, I clean it, don’t poke at it and it gets better. I tell my psychotherapy clients that the mind and body are intricately connected and that we also have an emotional body. Just like the physical body, it will heal itself it. To heal an emotional wound “keeping it clean” means not telling yourself you shouldn’t hurt, not trying to explain the inexplicable, not listening to well-intentioned people who tell you it was for the best, or whatever they say out of their own helplessness. “Not picking at it” means allowing the time it takes – however long that is, talking about the loss when you feel the need, expressing the intensity of your feelings from the sense of betrayal to the incredible sadness.

What I believe is that the emotional body is a miracle too. It will heal itself, like the physical body does, if we let it.

by Susan Scott Morales

The other day I received this message from a supervisor where I volunteer: “Just wanted to remind you that what you did is not done (in our organization).” Did she really think I was a rebel that needed to be reminded of the policies? No, I think “just wanted to remind you” was her way of letting me know that I was going to read something unpleasant. It didn’t work. The message sent me into a tailspin for several hours.

All the while composing responses to the bitter tasting email, I tried to understand my reaction. Why was I so unsettled by her comments? As a psychotherapist I’ve often heard complaints from clients about family members delivering “bad news” this way. It usually feels to them like a hit-and-run. But this wasn’t anything that bad or that close. I concluded that my reaction has to do with feeling blindsided.

Emails have the “urgent” signal and symbols like J. (My computer won’t let me use the semi-colon and parenthesis without automatically making it a smiley face.) Then there is “nnto” that is. “no need to open,” which I wish had been in the subject line of the caustic note I received.

If I worked with my supervisor in the same building, instead of three states away, and she asked to meet in her office, there’d be that nagging time as I gather my notes and get a cup of coffee, trying to look relaxed. And while I walk there my mind would review all the possible reasons for the meeting. It could be uncomfortable news. So I’d protect myself.

With email, we are used to clicking through them quickly, sorting out the junk, filing what can be done later. If you’re like me, you’re in task mode, and you’re in your head. That’s fertile ground for hurt feelings. Let’s come up with some protection, giving the recipient a heads up – is there a typographical symbol for that? – a moment to gather a veil of protection.

Here are some ideas for the subject line:

For the person who loves word games: Owyafcaatrpdi? (Open when you are feeling centered and able to receive possibly disturbing information.)

For guys and those people that want it straight and to the point: &#?@#! (Yes, just like in the cartoons.)

For us sensitive types: “I’m confused.” This is the elegant choice. The sender takes responsibility for his/her need. There is no blame, and an openness that communicates, “I’d like to hear what you have to say.” The body of the message can be simple, “Let’s talk,” and include available times. Then, the phone call. But that’s another topic.

]]> http://susanscottmorales.com/2009/05/16/subject-elegant-email/feed/ http://susanscottmorales.com/2009/05/14/professional-mourner/ http://susanscottmorales.com/2009/05/14/professional-mourner/#comments Thu, 14 May 2009 10:00:16 +0000 susan http://susanscottmorales.com/?p=41

Professional Mourner

By Susan Scott Morales

The woman dressed in black cape and nurse’s cap, reminiscent of Florence Nightingale, held her post next to the podium, next to Lydia’s body. In turn an uncle, friend, cousin stood behind the microphone and spoke to the standing-room-only crowd. When Uncle Alvin lowered his head, gathering his strength to speak, the nurse put one hand on his shoulder and with the other patted his back. Her face showed concern that seemed genuine, but somehow out of place. The “nurse” administered comfort through her hands, her presence both awkward and at the same time lovely. I wondered how it felt to the speakers, who received the nurse’s attention without acknowledging it.

And I wondered what Lydia would have thought of the outpouring of emotion and the number of people packed into the hall. It’s hard to imagine she’d accept that the display was genuine. She might have said, “That’s my family. They know how to put on a good show.” I wanted to believe she would appreciate the tears shed by members of the “audience,” the sentiment of a friend who said he always loved visiting his “sister” at her work place – funny she never mentioned him to me. For all Lydia’s flaws, I loved her. Others must have, too, like her children and a cousin she’d recently reconnected with. But with the others – her mother, aunts and uncles – she told me many times she was the black sheep: unmarried, struggling to overcome an eating disorder, chronic depression and anxiety, and financial troubles. Unable to say no to men, she was often left with an ex-boyfriend’s credit card charges, her son’s unpaid loans she co-signed.

I happened to sit next to her stepmother, who claimed Lydia was like a real daughter to her. To myself I wondered who in the family would have to deal with all Lydia’s unfinished business. And would they be able to see beyond that to the person I knew? Lydia confessed easily to me that she’d messed up. That’s why she was in my office every week for ten years. She’d come in, eyes bright but downcast and say, “I lied to you last week. I couldn’t tell you I screwed up again, but I’m ready to deal with it now.”

Lydia would always come around, each time she slipped. Because of an inner strength to acknowledge her mistakes and because of her intense desire to better herself, her life got more stable. No, it wasn’t perfect, but she was on the track of recognizing her worth, of being strong enough to say no, even to her grown son, refusing him a key to her apartment, so he wouldn’t feel too comfortable and would get a place of his own. She celebrated her new choices in friends, positive lively students, and her upcoming graduation – the culmination of twenty years of balancing school, work and children.

When the final speaker at the podium finished, I waited for an invitation to all the others crowded in the visitation room. But there wasn’t one. Not that I could have spoken and betrayed the confidence of my relationship with Lydia. But someone else outside her family must have been able to speak of her evolution as a woman, as a human being, as a soul. But the reverend took over the agenda and continued with the Lord’s Prayer and a formal blessing.

I looked around for the nurse. Did she leave as soon as her job was over? As I filed out behind the other mourners I saw an older woman, an aunt she said, who looked just like Lydia. I patted her shoulder and said I was sorry for her loss.

When I stepped out into the cold, windy and wet night, tears stung my cheeks. My throat tight and parched, it was hard to swallow.

The sun sits squarely in the south

shining on the lanky stems

of geranium on the bathroom windowsill.

The round scalloped leaves

stretch toward the warm glass

keeping their backsides to me.

I tell myself I turn the plants around

in the service of beauty

and so they don’t lean too far to one side.

What I really wish for

is how they flower even when neglected

and how, in dim light,

their cardinal complexion doesn’t fade.

Susan Morales

1/3/09

- as seen in Bridges

December 6, 2008 at Elmo’s Hideaway, Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Poems by Susan:

“Longing”

“Evaporation”

“Hiking up White Horse Hill”

“The Petal Sweeper”

“One”

“Two”

“A Walk on Christmas Day”

“String of Lights”

Works by friends:

“Enchiladas” From Recluse at Booknook by Brenda Meisels

“Ode to Matchmaking at Sweetwaters Coffee & Tea - Au Lait! Au Lait!” by Chris Lord

“Beautiful” by Christina Morales Hemenway

“Dreamscape” by Diane M. Laboda

“Somewhere in America Tonight” (for Sekou Sundiata) by Diane M. Laboda

“To a Smart Baby” by Linda Chapman